I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My day in three words: secret purse cake
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
