i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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