I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We left the knife in your bed.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
