She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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