TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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