Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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