I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
