Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
