if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
