He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
