Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
