just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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