Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
