The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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