I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
