Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
