The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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