So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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