Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I wanna bring you to show and tell
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
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last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
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It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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