The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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