She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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