i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
