can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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