Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
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You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
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Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
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