Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
