Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
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She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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