Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
