my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
