My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize