Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Sorry about my life...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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