my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
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