Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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