Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
well you can't waste a boner
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
