That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
