why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
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We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
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Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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