i think my tv is drunk
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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