I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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