For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
