I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
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Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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