ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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