great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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