Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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