im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
do herpes really smell.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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