i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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