Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize