I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i love accidental penises.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
