oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
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She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
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While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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