I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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