some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
