My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
