Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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