Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
