I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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