Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
