i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize