Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
