winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
