you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
