Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
