dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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