I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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