Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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