Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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