If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
