It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
