i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
How many fucks given?
0.12846
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
