Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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