Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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