I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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