I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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