im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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