I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
