Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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