whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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