my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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